How to be the author of your life?
If you would coach yourself at this moment, what is it that you need to do?
How do be the author of your life’s story?
If you had to coach yourself today,
what would you tell yourself that you had to do?
Some answers in our mastermind were:
Do not take the score too soon.
Take a break.
Not be so stuck in
what you envisioned.
Take a long deep breath!
For the answers we got in the Mastermind session, it’s not comfortable for you to stop to breathe.
Your comfort zone, in that sense, is to react, it’s to hit, some people cannot react they are too passive, so for them, that’s their comfort zone.
Why you cannot do it? Because it’s uncomfortable for you to stop and take a deep breath.
It’s uncomfortable, it’s painful to change.
I cannot feel the pain you feel.
Nobody can feel each other’s pain.
Today I want to talk about comfort zone,
the repetition of all the behaviors that we already know we should do,
but we don’t do it.
That is our comfort zone.
You already know that a comfort zone is a place where we don’t grow.
Why should we cross our comfort zones?
Because we want to become more.
Growing equals happiness.
What’s your comfort zone right now?
What area of your life do you feel you’re seated in the comfort zone?
Example from the Mastermind session:
I think my ego is too big in the sense that;
if I would go out on a limb and maybe have less money and less for a while,
but I would grow,
I think I hear my mother, my ex-husband going…
So, I think it’s my ego keeping me and saying:
“Do not do that because you cannot hear them say:”
“She hasn’t got a job” and stuff like that.
This attachment is hugely connected with ego.
There is no meaning for us to be attached to something if, in the end,
everybody’s going to die.
You’re attached to this role as a mother,
letting go of attachment helps us move out of our comfort zone.
Before we go forward I would like to listen to each one of you:
What’s your comfort zone now?
My comfort zone in athletics
is to run 400 meters.
But I add an 800 just an hour after that!
I was like dying with 400 meters!
Wow, what did I do to myself!?
But then I said:
No, I need to go through it otherwise if I get scared
and step back
it will stay in my subconscious;
that I didn’t get the courage to go through it, but then when I went…
I was jumping like a rabbit!
This is an outstanding formula!
So, the formula of always putting more into practice than he thinks he is cable of works for him.
Think about an area in your life where you are getting the result that you want. What kind of mindset do you have? How do you know which action you should do?
Now, think about an area of your life, that if you would apply the same formula,
you would get a lot better results.
You can apply the same mindset in the area you want to improve.
So, many times you already have a success formula
that you can apply to go out of your comfort zone in other areas of your life and get the same success.
This is just a technique, in other areas that involves a lot of emotion and entangled energy, you can need to release any detachment.
When you work with detachment you soften the attention you have given to a person or situation.
The entanglements will dissolve if you start breathing before reacting.
Whenever you talk I see energy that is still like this,
When there is too much attachment to a person the brain is so entangled with fear because the brain has created so much connection through this person.
Shared from the mastermind:
I needed to go to a point where my pain became so painful
that I was ready to give it all up.
I start with the big things:
If I can’t have a career in this area,
which I thought this person could provide for me,
I give that up.
I prefer to have my freedom.
I give it up.
I had so many connections, and a lot of safeness, which I set myself free from until it came down to even ridiculous attachment.
I could also share that I have some family members who also have
attachment to a person because they have a child together,
where there has also been entanglement.
I thought about feeling trapped with a kid together with another person and I thought I would even give up my child.
I mean I can’t say. I’m not a parent,
but I felt like:
[ __ ] I would give up on my child!
That’s how I felt in the end:
I would give it up.
Detachment doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It means that you are freeing yourself with detachment.
There is a phrase that says:
Detachment is not that you don’t want to have things, it’s that things don’t have you.
You don’t need to have that job or that position if that position has you,
in the sense that if you feel so identified with that,
that it takes out your freedom.
Detachment helps us to be free and navigate the world in peace.
So, by freeing that energy, nothing no longer owns you.
You are freer.
Find the story that holds you inside of your comfort zone,
because in every comfort zone there is a story.
I had this comfort zone:
I always wanted to do business in Brazil and Sweden.
But I was afraid.
I remember that I’ve been repeating,
listen to the word: repeating,
I’ve been repeating
the same bull[ __ ] story that I had for years,
and the bull[ __ ] story was:
I cannot have a business in Brazil and Sweden,
because it’s two different countries,
it’s gonna be too complicated,
I will not have enough money to do that,
I will not have the condition to do that,
I overcame that [ __ ]!
By changing my story and practicing my new story I could get different results.
That’s what we’re trying to do here.
You have a comfort zone but you also have a story that holds you inside of the comfort.
So, what we’re doing now is to find the story that you’re telling yourself of why
you are inside of your comfort zone,
and that story always comes after a “because…”
Fill in the result you would like to create and why you think you can’t do it:
I can’t ___
How much more specific you are will be more powerful for you.
Example from the mastermind session:
I can’t be professional with my project
because I’m not good enough.
How much more specifically you will be, will help you.
I’m not good enough it’s too empty.
Don’t make it too general because it became lame, it needs to be personalized.
I’m gonna give an example from me so you understand.
I have a new [ __ ] story, my old story is gone.
so, my new [ __ ] story is:
I want to build a retreat place in brazil,
So, my [ __ ] story is:
“How? I cannot do that because I need to be more in Brazil but I didn’t start any business here…”
“I have been 13 years in Sweden. I don’t have an established business in Brazil. I don’t have clients here.”
“I don’t know how can I do to be more in Brazil than in Sweden?”
So, all these are my [ __ ] story.
I’m creating a story to not help me achieve my dream.
I need a more empowering story for myself so I actually can make that happen.
So, how much deeper you’ll be in your answer
it’s easier for you to figure out the story.
New example from the Mastermind session:
I can’t produce my feature movie because I have not done it before.
Because I don’t have the skills that it takes.
I don’t have the team…
New example from the Mastermind:
The [ __ ] story is that whenever I want to try something new,
which in this case is that I want to start up a business around yoga and hiking retreats.
I can’t start doing it unless I know a hundred percent that it will be successful,
If I don’t know I’m going to be successful 100 percent,
then I might fail which in the end will lead me to, in my head,
believing that I’ll disappoint my mother.
Having a story like that in your head, there is not other possibility to give a different result.
So, your power lies in knowing your bullshit story,
because many times we navigate in life and we don’t know the story we carry with us,
we just live out that story.
We’re not aware of the results that our story is creating.
There are two ways in life:
either we accept,
or we could create.
There are only two ways.
We’re gonna write down a story that empowers us instead of the thing you want to create…
So we’re gonna rewrite the story in an empowering way.
We’re gonna change the story so we start programming our new story in our subconscious mind.
What is your new empowering story?
Example of empowering stories from the Mastermind:
I can produce my movie because it needs my perspective.
I can find the people and the skills that complete the mission.
By doing this I don’t change only for myself but anyone like me.
It was very powerful, especially when,
I felt I did it not only for me but for anyone like me.
New example from the Mastermind:
My bullshit story was: I’m going to be humiliated.
I don’t have the experience to teach others,
and the new story will be:
I was chosen by others to do this.
They believe me.
So, they think I’m good with people.
I will learn by doing and I can handle challenges,
when they appear,
and I will learn from them.
If you feel better about your new story, that will change everything, the way you feel, behave, and the way you think.
Just keep repeating your story.
Now it’s the reprogramming time: repetition, repetition, repetition,
and it will become reality.
New example of changing a bullshit story from the Mastermind:
I don’t have the amount of experience for that job that I want to apply to
and the bullshit story is that I’m an immigrant and a woman,
and that they will probably take a man with much more experience,
and I would not have as much time for my son,
this is really big bullshit that I’m not capable of running my own business;
not smart enough, not just business-minded enough, and stuff like that.
I will reframe it to:
“serving for my son”, that’s when I got it.
Because I started like:
“I’m an infinite being having a human experience I don’t have to take everything so personally,
I might not have the exact background but I have the energy, I have the driving force,
and I dare to do it.
That’s for sure and I will have more quality time for my son.
Because I will be more fulfilled and happier and I will teach him by being,
by choosing these things.
Kids learn what you do not what you say.
So, when I can teach him that I take a risk,
that I do, and I can teach him other stuff,
and maybe have quality time in…
it doesn’t have to be after five o’clock in the house in the evening.
So, that’s where it kicked in for me and I will teach him how to grow,
and how to fulfill himself.
That’s the most important for me,
is for him to know how to choose for himself.
I’m gonna permit myself to be happy and successful.
That’s for me a big thing.
Many times it can feel hard, in the beginning, to believe that our new story could even become true.
But it doesn’t matter!
How much more we repeat, the new story, it will eventually become a reality.
We believe for so many years that we’re not capable,
that it’s strange to believe that we are.
So, by repeating, repeating, and repeating, we will make the shift happen.
What gives a lot of power to the new story and purpose is when we have somebody to serve by typing into our new story.
The serving factor means overcoming my bullshit story is not only for me.
It can be your son or other people like you.
We are not doing only for ourselves.
When we are aligned with our purpose there is the serving factor.
It’s not that we are Mother Teresa.
That’s not what I’m talking about.
Insight from the Mastermind
And there’s no one to disappoint, however, there are a lot of people to inspire!
Particularly when you were talking about your son,
then I was thinking about my niece and my nephew and to just be bold,
and inspire them because what they see is what inspires them.
So you have a new story to keep repeating, reproducing, and the serving factor is the other level that we all aiming for,
because in a way we are trying to solve our lives, our problems,
but when we talk about why we want to become so much better, so much happier,
it’s actually to add to the world somehow.
In the end, our purpose is a gift to the world,
who we need to be a gift to the world or it’s not going to be complete,
if it would be only: “me, me, me, me.”
It’s like we need to give somehow.
We’re gonna have to give to feel completely fulfilled,
and we all have our ways to give,
that is no right rule and we just have to find our way to do that.
Insights from the Mastermind:
I think that it was important for me to fulfill myself first but now I feel
that I will get another kind of push, to do it for generations or to do it for…
I think about myself in strangers, I think about: if I do it, I can inspire someone else
who was in my situation?
So, I think that is my biggest takeaway, to do it to serve people.
More insights from the Mastermind:
Check-in with yourself,
one time per month at least, or once a week with people
that looking for a purpose to improve themselves,
that’s the key. Not to get lost for years wondering why it never worked.
Gibran’s a little poem when he says that the children come through us, they’re not ours,
they come through us and they are part of life.
I mean I’ve been trying to understand what is this serving part, how can I serve?
And it’s just: by being yourself and just being willing to give.
So, when I’m willing to allow myself to apply,
for the job I want,
then I can just show my son that:
If you apply and you get the job then do your best and be happy!
What is your bullshit story?
and how can you change it to an empowering story?
And who would you serve by changing it into an empowering story?